A Public Love Letter To My Husband

Today’s Attire: Red cotton tiered sleeveless blouse (White House Black Market $26), dark wash skinny jeans (Gap Outlet $29), black and white mesh and leather loafers (Rockport Outlet $26)

Outfit Justification: I packed very quickly when I was leaving for an out of town wedding yesterday. This is what I packed.  Red is a good color for me, and jeans don’t require thought.  I’m clothed…outfit justified.

A Public Love Letter To My Husband:

Today’s blog is dedicated to my husband of almost 2 years. On Wednesday we celebrate our 2 year wedding anniversary.  So the format of today’s blog will be a bit unorthodox.  It will not be mushy as you might expect. But some things need to be said, and I’m all about the truth with this blog. So here you have it.

My husband Jeff is a great man. I would not have married him if I didn’t think he was great. Having been exposed to the less than great guys, it was an extra bonus to find the greatest guy for me. I have often been told by other people how wonderful they think Jeff is.  They are right. He’s a wonderful man. I’m not sure about a lot of things in life, but I’m sure this one thing. This man truly loves me. There is no doubt in my mind that he does. It is evident to those around us that he loves me. It’s all in the way he looks at me. Throughout our entire relationship people have often commented on the way Jeff looks at me.  It’s a look of admiration, respect, appreciation and joy. He looks at me as if he’s meeting me for the first time and I’m that someone he’s been looking for.  I’m not reading into his look. This is what he’s told me.  It’s the look that you want your significant other to give you everyday.

We are very fortunate to have found each other. We are very happy.  Our marriage is not perfect.  We have ups and downs. We are both very flawed people.  Those flaws become even more evident when you commit to someone else. We have fun. We laugh a lot. We enjoy being with each other. We argue. We disagree. We struggle. We have some very real problems. It’s not all flowers and romance. But in the end, he is my real partner in life.

This past year has been a tough one for us.  My illness really put our vows to the test.  Being sick and ill for so long and not knowing what the root cause of it was is very trying on a relationship.  My illness wreaked havoc on everything, my work life, my personal relationships with friends and family, my ability to sing, and my mental health. The despair of depression I had with my illness almost destroyed me which almost destroyed our marriage. I was miserable.  Living with someone who is depressed and ill is hard for anyone, but especially difficult when you’re in a new marriage.  My husband wasn’t a saint during this, but he definitely had saint like characteristics. He did his best to make sure I got what I needed. He grieved with me when I was crying because I’d thrown up another meal, or was in excruciating pain. He had to stand up and take charge when I was too weak from lack of sleep to make a rational decision. He took care of my personal safety when he knew that I lacked focus due to sheer exhaustion.  He endured my moments of anger and despair knowing there was nothing he could do to ease my distress. He never left my side, even when I begged him to. The amount of stress he was under was very evident.  He did his best to hide it when he could, but often he would fail and some times snap back at me out of pure frustration.  This was a horrible ordeal for both of us.  Yes this is what you’re supposed to do when you commit your life for someone, but when it comes to these circumstances sometimes people can’t follow through to what they vowed to do on that big day when you’re all dressed up and have 100 of your closest friends and God witnessing this.  “In sickness and in health. Richer or Poorer. Good times and bad”.  Those of us who have been through a ceremony hear these words, but the weight of them isn’t truly evident until you’re actually faced with the less positive of each of these options.

To my husband, I must say to you. I love you.  With all of my heart, I truly love you. I make mistakes because I’m flawed. I hurt you, but I don’t intend to. I respect you, and think that you are brilliant, even when you do less than brilliant things.  I don’t tell you often enough how much I truly appreciate you. But I do appreciate you. I’m happy that you’re in my life. In many ways you’ve made me a better person because I’m with you.  I love it when you make me laugh. I hate it when you make me cry. I love our time together. But I also love our time apart as well because it makes me appreciate our time together more. I thank you for your constant support and encouragement.  The friends that I have before we were together are your friends too.  They don’t love you just because you’re my husband.  They love you for who you are.  They are happy that you make me happy, but they recognize that you are indeed an individual that is awesome all on your own.  I might be the outgoing one of us, but you sustain it just by being you. And they like that you can hold your own against the tornado force that I am. You were man enough of for me, despite all the perceived feminine things you do…such as picking out the best shoes. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for willingly staying by my side and still wanting to walk with me in this crazy life that we have. God blessed me in so many ways when he gave me you. Thank you for loving me. I tell you this publicly because I want you to know that I’m proud to be with you. I’m accountable for what I say and do in this relationship and marriage.  And because I’m too cheap to buy you a card that won’t ever convey exactly what I feel.

My love for you is eternal.  That means you’re stuck with me for eternity.  Thanks for being cool with that.  I love you forever.

Your Wife,

Vivian Natasha Rogers Ammon