Last Blog of 2012

Today’s Fashion Attire: Today I’m wearing a red Gap hooded sweatshirt, and a matching red sweatpants (Gap Outlet $34), underneath I’m wearing a black t-shirt with a tiny green bedazzled Christmas Tree (Gift from an old coworker) paired with grey New Balance Sneakers with green details (New Balance Outlet $26)

Outfit Justification: I’m wearing sweats to work.  Not really an outfit. But it’s holiday appropriate. It’s my last day in the office before my winter break. I wanted to be comfortable yet festive. This is my attempt.

Last Blog of 2012:

Here’s the deal, I don’t have a bunch to say. But I felt compelled to write a little something about my year in fashion, music and well all things Vivian.   2012 has been a tough year for me.  But little gems like this blog has helped me get through it. Here are some highlights that I want to share.

Discovering the pinup girl style. Finding the Pinup Clothing store in Burbank and the online store at pinupgirlclothing.com. Finding this style has helped me come to terms with my clothing my body and really showcasing my curves. Yes I’m overweight and I’m working on that, but that’s a long and slow process. I was already dressing my body in such away that things were flattering on me, but discovering this style has given me some empowerment that I was lacking.  I get more compliments when I wear these close, and I feel amazing. So thank you for to Pinup Girl Clothing boutique for giving me some new style.

Reconnecting with an old friend.  Reconnecting with this person has done so much for me. She has offered so much encouragement in my pursuing my music career.  At a time in my life when people were leaving my life because they either moved away, proved they were no longer good friends, passed on, or just drifted apart, reconnecting with Starr made me feel like I came back to life. She made me feel like I was the fun girl I thought I had lost years ago.  I was especially feeling low when my friend Jen moved to New Orleans. She was my shopping pal and my go out and drink and karaoke gal, and weekend getaway friend. Last year when someone in my life made me feel like no one really liked me or thought I wasn’t fun, Jen reinvigorated my spirit like no one’s business. So when she got a great job and had to move, needless to say I was sad and heartbroken. Just after Jen moved, I bumped into Starr at my new favorite karaoke place, and then ran into her again at her show at the Liquid Kitty. I felt like I had found my long lost little sister. We had a truckload in common. And that voice of hers, it’s rare that I meet someone who has such an amazing voice, and is such a phenomenal singer, that really moves me like Starr’s voice did. The first time I heard her sing she did Give Me One Reason, which was one of my signature karaoke songs, I looked at my husband and said, I have officially given up this song to her!  I did stop singing it for a while.  I was impressed. I was in awe. I was a little jealous of that talent.  But mostly I was inspired by it. Next thing you know, I’m singing a song or two with her in the bands she sings in, she’s encouraging me to audition for things again.  We encourage each other. And I’m passing some of my smaller wardrobe off to her because she can wear the hell out of it. As I write this, I’m smiling, because as my husband describes my relationship with Starr, as basically the same person living in two separate bodies.  She’s a kindred spirit. I’m very happy to call her a friend.

Finally I have to talk about my husband. I’ve already devoted a blog to him this year during our wedding anniversary.  But I need to say it again, I’m so lucky that this man is in my life.  I never thought I would get a second chance at real love, and I have with him. This man’s patience with me is just staggering.  After dealing with me and my health issues this year, he is still hanging around.  In many ways I’m still a very damaged soul, who is continuing to heal day by day. He is so kind to me, and it’s so obvious that he loves me, just for me being me. He is the pure definition of unconditional love.  The encouragement he gives me everyday keeps me going. I wake up constantly discouraged about my life, my job, my body, my pursuit of music.  He does whatever he can to combat all my negative feelings.  Earlier this month when I said I wanted to dismantle “my studio” in our apartment because “I’m not doing anything with it, and it was just a waste of money and space”. His response to this, “Don’t do that. It wasn’t a waste of money. Just because you’re not using the equipment and stuff right now, doesn’t mean it won’t be used in the future.  You are a musician and a singer. You’re creative.  You’re amazing. No one in the world sounds like you. And people love it when you sing. Just because don’t feel creative right now doesn’t mean you won’t be creative in the future. I believe in you and the potential you have to create something great.  Plus I don’t want you to dismantle it.”  If you have someone in your life that gives you that kind of encouragement you have to keep going. Therefore I keep going.  Thanks Jeff.

I don’t know what 2013 will bring. I know that I turn 40 next year, and I have mixed feelings about that. I know that I have almost 6 months left of my 30’s.  I know the things I want to accomplish and pursue. I don’t know how it’s all going to play out. But what I hope for an even better year next year.  I wish for health and happiness. I won’t say I wish for love, because I already have that.  That’s going with me into 2013.

To everyone that reads this, I wish you the happiest of holidays and a wonderful new year.

Rockstar and Fashionista