Fashion’s Night Out

Today’s Attire:  Brown tank top with beading detail (White House Black Market $24) underneath a taupe microfiber fringe vest (Torrid $10), dark wash skinny jeans (Gap Outlet $29) and orange sandals with stud detail (Macys $26). I’ve accessorized with a multiple bead and stud bracelet (Torrid $5) and brown leather belt with  gold stud belt buckle (Ed Hardy outlet sale $12) and red cowboy hat (Received as a gag gift for a trip to Saddle Ranch)

Outfit Justification:  There is no justification for this outfit. If I were reading this I would say “WTF?” But there is an explanation.  Today is the last Fabulous Friday celebration here at work.  In the summer, once a month we have a themed party on campus. Today’s theme is western.  So I’m sitting at my desk like a crazy person in this western get up.   This hat hasn’t seen the light of day in about 7 years.  And now twice in the span of a month, it’s making an appearance and various silly functions.  So that’s why I’m dressed like this.

Fashion’s Night Out (FNO):

I’d been receiving emails about FNO all week all week. I didn’t have any intention of really participating in this thing because I didn’t know what the hell it was.  Then yesterday afternoon I was reading an article about it on Yahoo.  FNO is the first day of New York Fashion Week. Fashion events are scheduled on that day all over the world.  In all the style meccas: New York, Paris, Milan, London and LA. The retail industry has recently got into the game with adding fashion shows as well as having special discounts and SWAG for these events.  At some retail events, designers were showing up to the events. Celebrities would do meet and greets and there were musical performances. At the last minute I decided to go to the Beverly Center for their event. I was called about the event from my favorite store White House Black Market (WHBM) on Tuesday.  And of course they were going to be offering a 25% discount on regular priced items I had no choice but to go.  How could I not? Things I love, fashion, music, sale and shopping.  So without thoroughly researching this thing, I went. And I dragged my loving husband.

I hate the Beverly Center. However, the WHBM there treats me very well.  My favorite sales girl always gives me special treatment, picks the most fabulous things for me and always addresses me by name upon entering the store.  The other salespeople know me as well, and were happy to see me.  Some had commented that they hadn’t seen me in a while and that I was looking a lot slimmer. They of course pour me a glass of water or champagne or whatever when I’m there.  So basically they treat me like a super valued customer who has a boatload of money. I don’t have a boat load of money and I have a truckload of coupons because I shop there a lot. But they treat me like I do.  So know this event was going on and I was going to get my discount I went.  Needless to say this place was a zoo.  There were six foot tall skinny girls in 4-5 inch heels wearing fashion’s best.  People were in sequins, studs, maxis, minis, suits, and the best high end club attire. People were dressed to the nines.  I felt under dressed.  I thought I was wearing a cute outfit. But after that I felt fat and dumpy.  I wore my newly purchased  cheetah print scoop neck sweater with black sheer cap sleeves, and a black satin pencil skirt and paired it with  animal print flats with gold stud detail on the toe.  I thought I was cute.  But people looked at me like I had just shown up in a sweat suit. I felt completely out of place.

After dealing with nightmare parking, we headed to WHBM. I was greeted with loud music from the DJ, hugs from my favorite salesperson Raquel with hugs. She asked me how my performance was last week and I said ok. She asked if they were pictures, I showed them. She loved it.  I was appreciating her taking an interest.  The other salesgirls came in and said how great I looked and were pleased to see me.  Jeff and I proceeded to pick out some items for me to try on. Raquel picked even more.  The store was pretty empty because people were checking out the runway shows.   They had a singer and rapper performing in the store front as I was trying on clothes. It was kind of weird but fun.  In the end I chose a gorgeous black dress with a peplum waist that hugged my curves and made me look incredibly fierce.  Everyone in the store that saw me in that dress was in awe of how I looked. I felt good.  I was happy.

After leaving my favorite store I headed into the mall. There was a place where you can take red carpet pictures. I thought I looked cute enough so I opted to stand in line and take a picture. I felt like people were staring at me like I didn’t belong there. I took my picture and wandered over to the fashion show. I snapped a few pictures and then opted to shop more  because the stores were super empty while the show was going on.  I saw some cute items, but I keep getting weird looks that started to make me feel self-conscious.  I was doubting my fashion choices.  I’m really heavy and I can’t work a heel at the weight I am. It’s hard on my knees and back. I felt like everyone was staring at my little Anne Klein leopard print flats like I had just got my shoes from a homeless person.  And then I started to feel fat.  I was completely out of place and just wanted to go home.  We ate dinner at mall food court and left.  To add insult to injury, I split the skirt I was wearing just as I got in my vehicle to go home. Nothing says fat like ripping your clothes just by wearing them.   By the end of the night my self-esteem was a -402 and I just wanted to hide and cry in a hole somewhere.  Just after I cried myself to sleep, I was woken up by an earthquake that scared the crap out of me.  Fun night, eh?

I was still feeling bad about last night this morning.  I saw some really nice responses to my post of sheer regret of being a heavy set frumpy midget (not politically correct, but you’ll have to forgive me this once).  I felt a little better.  Then a coworker who I don’t know very well, came up and gave me a homemade cookie and a hug and that me smile. Then a friend passed along a rather vulgar compliment, that I can’t repeat  and that just brightened up the rest of my day.  I may not think I’m beautiful or attractive and I suffer from low self-esteem. But other people think better of me. My husband is obviously one of those people who thinks I look amazing.  And I swear to God, I wish I had his eyes and perception when I look at myself.  Maybe I’ll be able to understand why he’s crazy enough to be attracted to me.