Uninspired Catty Behavior

Today’s Attire: Black tiered ruffle dress with flower detail at the neck, that I’m wearing as a top instead of a dress (White House Black Market) black knee length walking shorts (Ashley Stewart $14) leopard print gold toe flat shoes (DSW $18).

Today’s Theme, Uninspired:

Yesterday when I woke up I was filled with creative energy. I couldn’t wait to get up and write my blog and share my thoughts with the world.  Today, not so much. And I guess that’s reflected in my outfit.  How original, all black. Oh wait, there’s a pop of color in the shoe and, wait, the hair.   That’s never been done before….um yeah.

I know it’s only day 3 of this blog. I was hoping to keep the creative momentum going through out the week. But on this kinda overcast Wednesday morning, I’m not feeling it.

Bitchy Encounters of the Model Kind:

I’m beginning to notice that I have a tendency to piss people off, on a regular basis. And even though I have a lot of amazing friends, I’m not liked by a lot people for one reason or another. In my life I’ve made a lot of people angry. Again that’s life, I’m not alone in this.  But I’m beginning to notice that women who don’t know me at all really resent me.  This is why I’m perplexed by this. I’m not threatening in any way to any of these strangers.  I’m not exaggerating. I’m sure you’re thinking, Vivian, you must have done something.  No I haven’t.

Let me give you the example of what happened to me last week.  Last Monday I was at the Brass Monkey, my favorite karaoke bar of choice. I haven’t been there in awhile because I was pretty ill for 2 months and had surgery and was recovering from that. But anyone who knows me, knows that I’m a regular there. I was hanging with my best friend David.  Watching people as they sang. Clapped and cheered appropriately when they sang. Even if they were awful, I still applauded. I feel compelled to cheer for people at karaoke because they were brave enough to get up there. I wasn’t singing particularly well that day. I was doing alright. I wasn’t performing up to my standards. But I was there to have a good time, and work on getting my voice back to where it once was.

There were several other women there that I didn’t know, who sat at the bar. Apparently one has been coming regularly during the time I wasn’t there. Some of them were singing songs or genre that I normally sing. I still cheered and clapped, even though inside I was missing my ability to really shine on some of those songs.  You couldn’t tell this was going on outside. I do my best not reflect that. Here’s the weird thing, whenever these women would look in my direction they gave me dirty looks. What’s that about?  The women were attractive, one was an over 6 foot tall rail thin model.  I’m the opposite of that. I’m short. I’m on the heavy side of things. I rarely wear makeup. And I’m not all that noticeable, with the exception of the blue hair. If you didn’t know me or weren’t introduced to me, you wouldn’t give a second glance. That particular night I felt like fading into the background unless I’m singing. I was sitting in the corner booth and only got up to sing, go to the restroom and occasionally cheer someone on and then went back to the corner. Staying out of the way and let everyone else have the spotlight.

At one point I get up to go to the bathroom. When I came out the model girl was out near the sink area.  I complimented her on her last song. She said “Thanks, your song was just OK.” WTF? In my mind I was like “wow she actually said that. I never would say something like that to anyone even if they did suck. She proceeded with “It’s the only Adele song I know all the words to, and you only did OK with it”. I did my best to maintain composure and said “I really like that song and I just wanted to try it because I really like the lyrics. It was the first time trying it.” She looked like she could care less. I was actually trying to be pleasant while washing my hands. I then asked her what song she was singing next. She replied “I’m only singing requests from friends” And I was like OK.  “She told me she was doing a Mariah Carey song that I didn’t know by tittle” I said “that’s awesome. Looking forward to it” and left the bathroom immediately. 

In my mind, I’m like why was she so hostile to me? I complimented her, and she basically rude to me, as if my singing was kind of offensive. That’s OK to think, but you don’t have to be rude about it and say it. I admit I wasn’t sounding great, you can’t sound decent all the time. I wasn’t auditioning for American Idol or a record deal. It’s karaoke. Sometimes you’re not going to sound great. I still remained pleasant and smiled at her and the other women who for one reason or another I somehow offended.  For the rest of the night I watched their reactions to me as I walked by or interacted with anyone. You could tell by their actions and all the non-verbal communication they really resented me for whatever reason.

By the end of the night I got annoyed about it. What vibe am I giving off for that kind of reaction from other women? I was there alone without my husband. I wasn’t being flirty to any eligible bachelors.  I sat in the corner with my friends. I wasn’t wearing anything slutty. I was just enjoying the scene and staying out of the way. Yet these women acted like I came there wearing the sluttiest dress I could find, flirted wildly with every man there, made a big spectacle of myself and took all the attention away from them and made out with their man in front of them.  Why? When I asked my guy friends about this, their comment was “Women are just bitchy toward each other. Get over it no one understands why”. When I mentioned it to my vocal coach she said “As time goes on you will encounter more people like that.  You’re on the rise. And people can see that in you. It’s sad, but people want everyone else to be miserable.” After that conversation I decided, the model needed a sandwich and I looked like I had one too many and she was jealous.