White Hot Karaoke

Today’s Attire:  A white peasant blouse (Ashley Stewart $14) with a white pleated peasant maxi skirt (Ashley Stewart $14) with white and black mesh loafers (Rockport Outlet $19). Accessorized with wide black elastic belt (My Baby Jo $6) beaded cotton cuff (Torrid $4), black beaded rose pendant choker (Forever 21 $4) big black and silver floral hoop earrings (H&M $3), a blue cotton headband (the thing is so old I have no idea where I got it).

Outfit Justification:  OK yesterday I was wearing all black, today all white.  What’s with that, right?  Honestly wearing all one color is easy. Especially if you were up late, overslept and need to put something on that looks like you put at least 2 seconds of thought into it.  I originally bought this outfit for Mother’s Day and for a wedding.  I never dreamed I’d be strolling into work in it. But again it was easy.  I made it a bit costume-y with the accessories.  I do look a little like a peasant waltzing the halls of the office.  I know many people stay away from this much white, but I embrace it.  (The dark skin thing helps) People often say that white makes you look bigger, it gets too dirty too quickly, and well it’s white.  White can make you look bigger if not done properly.  Proper fit does a lot in making you look slimmer or smaller, accessorizing helps too.  It’s not just about the color.  It’s how it makes you feel.  And frankly I feel pretty light and cool in it. 

Karaoke Psych 101:  I think those people who have met me and know a little about me know that I love karaoke.  Singing karaoke brings me to my happy place mentally.  Part of it is because I love to sing. Part of it is that I’m a skilled singer. It gives me to the opportunity to practice both my singing and my performance skills.   Part of it is that I get a music education many times when I go to karaoke.  Finally it’s big psychological case study in human nature.  You’re probably saying “what?” to that last sentence.  But bear with me for a moment, I’ll clarify.

Karaoke usually takes place in a bar where there’s alcohol. I don’t have to tell you that the people- watching is at its best when people are drinking.  You watch inhibitions go down and confidence rise.   You add the music and the singing factor it takes it to a whole other level.  The thing about karaoke is that it gives people the opportunity to live out their rock star dreams for the duration of a song.  For a few minutes you get to be Jon Bon Jovi, Fergie, Rihanna, Steve Perry, Freddie Mercury, David Lee Roth, Whitney Houston and Dave Gahan. (If you don’t know who these people are, that’s what Google is for.)  Even if you don’t sound like them, you get to be them in your head. The spectators get the opportunity to be treated to a one of kind performance by an individual. It could be awful, it could be great. It’s truly an adventure.

So back to my point about karaoke being a psychological case study.  The mental thinking that goes on at a night at karaoke is something of a phenomenon.  I’m dying for my friend Natalie to write a sketch depicting our lives and encounters at our favorite karaoke bar.  I go to karaoke a lot. I’ve made some awesome friends doing it.  I made some friends that are KJ’s (that’s Karaoke Jockey, for those who are unfamiliar with the term) and I love hearing their perspective from behind the booth.  We’ve all been exposed to the types. I’d like to spell out a few of my favorites.

The Karaoke Circuit: This is the person who will frequent several karaoke bars in the area, usually in the same night.  They are generally pretty cheap.  If there’s a two drink minimum, they usually order soda because they refuse to pay too much. They usually bug the KJ repeatedly to see when their turn is because they got to get to the next bar. The usually sing their signature song and wait for praise or accolades from the audience.  They usually have some “thing” or gimmick.  Like they play the harmonica, wear a funny outfit, wear too much eyeline and a cowboy hat or do a funny dance. After their performance they head out the door without tiping the KJ or their wait staff.  The psychology behind these individuals is fascinating and I’m not sure what makes them tick.  But they are on the circuit and they are on a mission. 

The Diva: This person takes karaoke very seriously. Usually they have their own CD. They want the KJ to raise and lower the key of the song every time.  They like to scream instructions to the KJ to raise and lower the levels of their microphone for optimal performance. Often they know which version of the song they want to sing by name of the karaoke company (Sunfly, Sound Choice, Chartbusters).  At one point they have said to a KJ “make sure I’m on your list, and move me up, because I’m really good”.  The Diva is known for being on the pompous side of things.  They’re not patient, they don’t understand why the whole night isn’t dedicated to their performances, they generally don’t care about the other people in line to sing. And get really pissed when the crowd doesn’t go nuts when they sing. They also tend to get upset when another person in the bar happens to sing a song that they consider “their” song. And in some cases they will try to out sing that person with the microphone to prove that they should be the one doing the song and not person who actually signed up for it.  In the Diva’s mind Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson or some person from a record label will be in the audience and will give them a record contract on the spot. 

Drunken D-bag: This particular character will pound a bunch of drinks. To the point where they’ve become obnoxious to everyone, bar staff and patrons alike.  They pick the douchiest song that everyone has sung to death.  They make all the usual jokes that go along with those songs and act like it’s the first time anyone has ever performed that song in a bar.  They have a tendency to heckle other singers as they’re singing because they think they’re funny.  At some point they will get so drunk to the point where they are slurring their vocals and will probably throw up on the floor, at a table or somewhere in the bar that isn’t the bathroom.  Some song choices of drunken d-bags are: Bohemian Rhapsody, Don’t Stop Believin, Creep, Livin On A Prayer, Baby Got Back, Proud Mary, Girls Just Want to Have Fun, Like A Virgin and Total Eclipse of the Heart. This is not gender specific.  Girls can be drunken d-bags too. 

The Sleeper: I feel like I fall into this category.  This is the type of singer that you never see coming, nor can you even predict what they will sing. What I love about this category of karaoke singer is that it’s always a surprise what happens with these people.  You can see someone go up to the microphone and  say “ I see Proud Mary in our future” and the person sings Queen.  Or you see someone who looks meek and quiet and they sing some metal song that you suspect they’re too young or innocent to even know. It’s the element of surprise.  A lot of my friends fall into this category because they love all kinds of genres, and you never can tell what’s going to come out of them. My friend David will sing Mental Health by Quiet Riot, and then his next song is I Touch Myself by the Divinyls.  Why? Because he can.  My friend Natalie, who when we met her, was known as “Come On Eileen” because she sang that song so cute and so well. She’s a cute little white girl who can sing Ciara’s Oh, like a dream and rap Ludacris’ rap solo better than some hard core boys I know (yes I happen to know an occasional hard core boy).  And then there’s me: people see this black girl and immediately expect Aretha Franklin, Beyonce and Whitey Houston. What they get from me is Muse, Chris Cornell, Pat Benatar, Def Leppard and Foo Fighters.  And just when you’re thinking I’m the rocker chick, I’ll turn around with Alicia Keys, Mariah Carey and Tracy Chapman.  In many ways this category is the Forrest Gump cliché:  you never know what you’re gonna get. 

There are more categories I can go into, but for the sake of brevity I’ll cut it off with the above categories. Maybe in a future blog I’ll revisit the other categories.  This is what makes karaoke interesting. These characters are fun and interesting to watch. They’re a fascinating species.  And the dialog that comes from them will boggle your mind. You will hear things like:

 “I don’t take requests”

“That song doesn’t challenge me enough”

“What do these people want from me?”

 “That’s MY song, why is that person singing MY song?”

“They lyrics are wrong, can you fix that?”

 I swear sometimes a whole sitcom could be built around the karaoke life.  To Natalie: get on that!