Emotions and Music

Today’s Attire:  Grey Def Leppard concert t-shirt, (purchased at the concert) medium wash skinny jeans (Gap Outlet $27) Skull slip on Vans style sneaker (Ed Hardy $25).

Outfit Justification: I spent most of the week trying to step up the style situation, but it’s Friday, sometimes it just has to be a t-shirt and jeans day. Don’t judge me because I own and wear Ed Hardy.  I bought and loved this before it became the official attire of douchebags.

Music and Emotion:

So last night at a karaoke bar, I had an experience that threw me for a bit. I often encounter interesting people from all walks of life when I sing karaoke.  And if someone has heard me sing, sometimes they’re kind enough to request me to sing a song for them. I’m always honored and touched by this kind of request.  If you’re in a bar where karaoke is going on, no one has to pay attention or even talk to you if they don’t feel so inclined. Me personally, I tend to sit in the front, and I hold myself to a different standard as an audience member. When I’m in the front I make my best effort to be attentive. If someone does a song particularly well I will get up and tell them how much I appreciated their performance. If it wasn’t that great, I’ll just clap politely.  But I digress.  My point is a person doesn’t have to ask you to sing a song.  That’s why when someone does ask I try to honor that request.

These requests have often made me nervous, especially if I don’t know the song. Or if the song is something I know, but I know someone else in the bar does much better than I could do. I put extra pressure on myself to sing to well for this person. I’m not getting paid, but this must mean something to the person who asked, so I want to make sure it’s to their liking and expectation. One time at the Brass Monkey, an older gentleman was visiting LA with his daughter from DC.  He had heard me sing a song and came over and complimented me. I thanked him. He then asked if I would be willing to sing Midnight Train to Georgia by Gladys Knight and the Pips.  I was hesitant because my friend Lisa, who wasn’t that that evening does that song so much better than I could.  And that’s a big song. Then the gentleman said the reason why he was asking was that a friend of theirs had just passed away and they were missing the funeral, and that song was her favorite song. So when he said that I had to do it. I looked at my friend David, and whispered that I didn’t think I could do this. David assured me I could. When it was my turn to sing, I sang to the best of my ability.  I messed up some parts, but for the most part it went well. When I looked over to the gentleman and his daughter, they both had tears in their eyes and she was full blown crying.  I worked that much harder to get through the song. When it was over, they both thanked me profusely and told me how much it meant for them to hear that song. David reassured me that it wasn’t the way Lisa would have sang it, but it was still well done. I excused myself and went to the ladies room and the moment I was out of sight of anyone the tears started to fall. I didn’t understand why I was crying, but I was so overcome by what I had done for this stranger and his daughter that I was moved to tears.  That was a first for me.

Flash forward to last night. I headed to Brittania to hang with my buddy Starr who was KJ’ing there that night. There was a huge crowd of people that had been there the Tuesday before. Just as I got there to greet Starr, a woman who I had seen on Tuesday was asking her something. Starr said she didn’t know the song asked me if I knew it. I asked what song, she was asking for Someone Like You by Adele. I said I knew it. The woman asked if I would do it. I agreed. Starr put me in the rotation. I headed to the bar and ordered a drink.  I’ve sung Adele songs before, but I don’t do that one.  I figured that song is a real downer, and it’s usually overdone.  I’ve watched the Adele DVD and have cried while watching her cry while performing it. I’ve seen the Saturday Night Live sketch where everyone cries when the song is played. (The sketch is hilarious) I even watched a friend sing it at my birthday party break into tears as she sang it.  There’s something about that song. As my turn came up to sing, I was nervous as hell about singing this song. This had the potential to go very very badly and being a disaster. Yes I know it’s karaoke, but I really don’t like embarrassing myself by doing something poorly.

This is what happened. Starr was kind enough to lower the key a half step for me. I walked up there and people cheered, I guess because they remembered me from the other night.  As the introduction started to play everyone “awwww’d” In my mind I was starting freak out. The opening note came out of my mouth and the vocals came. I could hear I was in tune. I started to focus on the words. By the time I got to the higher parts of the chorus people started to cheer. The audience was waving their hands. The woman in front of me looked really into it.  And while all this was going on, I could feel nerves in my stomach become more intense. Then my mind took me to a place where I remembered being the person this song was sung too. I was the one who “married now” and “settled down”. And I thought about the person who I had hurt tremendously by ending the relationship. By the end of the song I was crying. I didn’t know at one point that had happened, but I knew my eyes were all watery and I was kind of a mess. The audience went nuts and the woman who asked me to sing the song was hugging me. I turned my head toward Starr and put my head down. I was embarrassed because I was emotional and crying. It was so weird. I calmed down pretty soon afterwards, but I was still so confused about why I reacted the way I did. And I felt weird about it.

After I got home and I chatted with my husband about it. After we went to bed I thought about the first time he heard me sing a gospel song. I sang Amazing Grace and a family friend’s funeral a month after we were married. He told me that he had never heard me sing like that before. He referred to the emotion that was in my voice. It brought him to tears. And he watched how the people at funeral reacted to the sound of the emotion and pain in my voice.  And several people after the service came up to me and said how moved they were by my song. Even my mother, who never comments on my singing, was touched by my rendition of that song. Through the years of my life people often said that the quality of my voice has been very different. And that when I sing you can see the emotion behind the song. I’m a passionate person and I don’t hide it. But when I do something creative, like sing it really seems to come through.  Whether I’m sad, like at that funeral, or I’m angry like most angsty rock songs, you can tell.

As I sit here writing this, I think of all the times my voice has affected other people’s emotions. When I sang at my friend’s wedding in 2008, at the rehearsal and the wedding, I managed to make the majority of the wedding party cry, including the bride and the groom. The weekend that my ex-husband walked out on me I remember singing Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler and a friend who didn’t know me that well, but knew what had happened said it was the most gut wrenching thing to watch.  The amount of pain I was in was so evident that no one could deny something was really going on with me and that song. It moved him to see that.  I guess that’s why I hate that song so much.  I guess it’s all part of being an artist. This is why Adele’s and Pink’s song affect people so much, that emotion is so raw. And I’m fortunate enough to be able to tap into that.