Compliment Behavior

Today’s Fashion Attire: Today I’m wearing a long black spaghetti strap cotton maxi dress (Old Navy $10.90) and royal blue flip-flop with rhinestone detail (White House Black Market $19). I’ve accessorized with my Elsa Perretti sterling silver star pendant and infinite circle with silk chord pendant (Tiffany & Co, gifts from the husband)

Outfit Justification: It’s super warm outside. You know it’s hot when it’s 78 degrees before 10am. Maxi dresses are comfortable. Black makes me look slimmer.  I’m going to my first Zumba class today after work and I wanted easy.  I was expected to be in meeting most of the day, so at least throwing on a dress makes me look a bit more polished. Yes, I’m sporting flip-flops but 80 percent of my office wears them. I’m allowed to sport them every so often. 

Accepting Compliments: Why Is It So Hard?

How many times has someone complimented you?  Now how many times have you combated that compliment with something other than “’Thank you”?  Welcome to my world. I have to admit, I have a difficult time accepting compliments. I love them. I love hearing them.  I give them. But I can’t seem to accept them like a normal human being.  What gives?

Let’s talk about this from a fashion and body issue point of view.  I’ve already stated that I’m considered overweight. The fact is that I am overweight.  However I don’t walk around with a sign saying “Hey I’m fat, and I’ve completely given up”. I work with the body I have and dress it to the best of my ability.  When I wrote this blog before I was in the process of losing weight, and I was a lot smaller. It was a lot easier to write about the cute clothes I bought and wore.  Now writing this blog proves to be more difficult, because I’m heavier. The cuter clothes are harder to find.  Despite the adversity, I managed to find something awesome and make it work. When you look at me you don’t think “Hey cute fat chick”.  No you think “Hey what a great outfit. Cool blue hair”.  When the outside world decides to tell you that they like something about you, the best response is thank you. Yet my responses have been:

“I’ve picked up some weight and I’m doing my best to disguise it”

“I put this together by accident”

“I had no time to think this morning this was the first thing I grabbed”

Or I feel the need to say something else like apologize for being fat. Why do I do this? This is crazy behavior.

When I’m singing, and people hear me, people will compliment me afterwards. Somehow I’m hearing people tell me I’m amazing, that I have a phenomenal voice, asking me if I’m a professional makes me shudder a little bit inside. I do the same thing when someone compliments my outfit. I do the “thank you, but…” I guess I’m so worried that I’m going to come off like an arrogant bitch, if I acknowledge that I’m a good singer.  My more recent responses to a compliment have been:

“Oh, I’m just loud”

“I’m just getting over being sick, that wasn’t really that good”

“It’s a hard song, I did what I could with it”

“Oh I’m just having fun”

When someone compliments you, they don’t want to hear all of that.  They genuinely think that something about is good and they want to share that with you. Just say thank you. If they ask you questions answer them. But leave it at that.

I write this particular blog for myself. To remind myself that it’s important to acknowledge the compliment.  I share this with you in case you’re struggling with the same thing.  It’s important for us to be nicer to ourselves.  We do some fantastic things with our lives and our skills.  It’s nice when people notice this and share their positive thoughts with us.  In a world full of negativity, we need to celebrate the positivity that arises. Compliments are just small bits of positivity that should be shared, celebrated and accepted.  So if someone compliments you on something today.  Just say “Thank you”.  Internally, remind yourself that this is a good thing and you deserved that compliment.