The Voice Rejection

Today’s Attire: Today I’m sporting a white tank top with black crochet and mesh detail on the front. The side seams have a little bit of gathered pleats (Torrid $28), dark wash skinny jeans (Gap Outlet $29), black and white leather and mesh loafers (Rockport Outlet $19).

Outfit Justification: I bought this tank top when I auditioned for The Voice back in April. I paired it with jeans and a black blazer.  I looked very polished and put together.  Since that audition, I’ve worn this top multiple times. It’s cute and stylish and comfy.  It’s been so hot lately wearing this tank top keeps me cool.

Let’s Talk About The Voice Audition:

Ok this is a subject that I avoid like the plague. But I think it’s time to address my feelings about this process.  For years people have told me that I should audition for American Idol. They would hear me sing at karaoke, or church or whatever and they say, “You should totally audition for American Idol”. I’ve always had the best excuse for not doing it.  I’m too old for American Idol. And I’m not playing the martyr and saying I’m too old to sing, that’s crap. It’s true I am too old for AI because they have an age cut off of 29. I was too old for AI when AI started because the age limit was 25 or 26 when it first started. I was 28 when AI started in 2001. My response to why I wouldn’t audition for this show seemed to satisfy anyone who suggested it. But there were a few reasons why I wouldn’t audition for this show. I didn’t have to deal with those reasons as long as AI was the only reality TV singing competition on.

Then came shows like X Factor, America’s Got Talent and The Voice. Now people would ask about American Idol and then follow up with what about the other shows because they didn’t have the age limit. I had to come up with a better excuse for not auditioning for these shows.  Here’s the real reason I don’t want to audition for these shows, I didn’t want producers, judges or official record people to invalidate my talent or me. No one who’s official (in the record business) has ever said to me that “you’re not a good singer”. But there is always the fear of that.  So I avoided these shows as much as I could.

Then last March, a friend suggested that I should try out for The Voice. She put the idea in my head. I mentioned it on Facebook and everyone encouraged me. I talked to my vocal coach, and she suggested that I should give it a shot. Next thing I know I’ve gotten myself all psyched up. I’ve told myself I’m going to do this. Mentally I’ve worked myself into a frenzy. In my mind I had pinned all my musical hopes on this one audition. If they said no, then I wouldn’t audition for anything else ever again. Their word was the final word and my singing career would be over just like that.  If they said yes, I was on the road to fame and fortune. I knew I wouldn’t win, but I would get far enough along that the doors would open up and they’d realize I existed and I was that next big thing. While all this was going on in my head, I started to struggle with confidence. Am I delusional?  Am I really talented enough to go audition for something like this? Or am I that person who’s in the chicken suit who can’t carry a tune, meaning am I making a big fool of myself.  While all this was going on I was struggling with a mystery illness that would later wreak complete havoc on my life. Then add a conflict with a former friend over their drug use and then you have the equation of the biggest meltdown in audition history. This was the week leading up the audition.

The day of the audition I wasn’t even completely sure I was going to go. I went. Even though I had friends that were auditioning at the same time, we didn’t connect on the actual day.  I was in line alone. I met some lovely women of all different ages in line around me. I had a wonderful time in line chatting it up. It was a long wait.  When we finally got into the final group to audition for the producer, I was ready. I was fifth to sing in a group of ten. I sang my song. In my head it was a stellar audition. I delivered my best performance.  After everyone sang they said “The bar for Season 3 is really high, we were expecting flawless performances, that being said we can’t pass any of you to the next round. We hope that you’ll audition again for next season”. I was shocked. Not because I didn’t make it through, but because that none of us made it through. There were some really talented singers in my group.

After my rejection I thought I would break down and cry because I didn’t make it through.  I had quite the unexpected reaction to this. I was mad. In fact I was really pissed off.  My audition was flawless. Without sounding like a pompous ass, I sounded pretty damn good.  There was nothing I could do to make that performance any better. As I got in my car to head home, I kept saying “Screw that! Screw them! They’re idiots for passing on me.  F*ck that! They don’t get to make me famous”. My husband was relieved that I was angry as opposed to the weepy mess he expected me to be. (And the weepy mess I was, leading up to the audition). But he was happy to see me get my fire back. The confidence I lacked leading up to this audition, had returned in full force.  I spent the rest of the afternoon consulting with everyone else who had tried out and they all had the same story. None of us were passed through to the next round.

So here I am months later looking back on this experience. I’m glad I went through it. I realized that I didn’t need a TV producer to validate me or my career.  I know that I’m talented. I’ve seen audiences react to me and my voice. I know there’s something there. This is just one lesson in rejection. And I keep moving on.  One day the world will know that there is a Vivian Rogers who can rule the rock world.  That day is coming and it’s only a matter of time.